夸奖孩子要把握好分寸,经验分享

‘Children absolutely need to feel valued, accepted and loved,and this
will lead to high self-esteem,’ Dr. Leary says. But it canalso be good
for kids to feel bad about themselves temporarily, ifthey behave in
selfish, mean or hurtful ways that might damagetheir ability to sustain
relationships or hold a job in the future,he says. The best path is a
middle road, helping children develop apositive but realistic view of
themselves in relation toothers。

The Greenes also step in with carefully targeted encouragementwhen their
kids hit a rough patch. When Wyatt fell behind inreading at school last
year, Mr. Greene says, ‘his self-esteem wasfragile and almost gone.’
They hired a tutor and worked with him onreading. But Mr. Greene also
encouraged him to redefine his ownworth, saying, ‘You’re not measured
upon rewards or grades. It’swho you are that matters.’ And Ms. Greene
told him, ‘Everyone haschallenges. This happens to be yours.’ Wyatt now
reads well andenjoys it. But the Greenes hope he also learned a sturdier
basisfor self-esteem。

ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR FEELINGS

Ms. Greene’s husband Jason, an actor and at-home dad, tries toteach
their children what his grandfather taught him: ‘Nobody isbetter than
you, but you’re not better than anybody else.’ When his8-year-old son
Wyatt started goofing around at practice for hissoccer team, which Mr.
Greene coaches, he knew Wyatt was ‘having amoment of feeling superior,’
Mr. Greene says. He benched Wyattimmediately。

今昔,激情学家们对此笔者认识的明亮尤其长远、也越加周到,那或者能够让爹妈们在走这条高空绳索的时候轻巧一些。在那之中的部分结论如下:孩子的自己承认程度异常低实际上有一点都不小希望是一件善事,至少短时代的低认同度会是那般。而对男女的称赞若无虚构到家庭以外的际遇因素,则有希望会对儿女加害。孩子若能对此外人对友好的视角有三个切实──而非夸大──的领悟,则频频可以越来越好地适应外界意况。

When we compliment our kids, it often goes in one ear and out the
other. Yet when we tell a relative or family friend about our child’s
achievements, our kids are more receptive to the praise. By humbly
bragging about your child, you prove that you aren’t saying these
things to boost her self-esteem, but because you actually believe
them.

利里大学生代表:“孩子们相对供给这种被重视、被接收和被爱的感想,而那么些将推动较高的自家承认度。”可是,他说,若是儿女的行为展现出自私、自大或是会危机到旁人──那样的一言一动有非常大可能率影响到他们前途与外人相处或是保住本人干活儿的力量──那么短暂的自己认为倒霉对于男女的话有实益。最佳的一条路是中间路径,扶助子女作育出三个能动、但现实的、与客人相关的本身认识观点。

当孩子遇到曲折时,Green夫妇也会通过具备明显针对性的慰勉来增加援救她们。Jason说,二零一八年,当Wyat在高校的开卷成绩落后时,“他的自尊变得很虚弱,大致完全未有了”。他们聘请了一人家庭教育,帮他指引阅读。可是,做老爹的同一时候也在勉力外孙子重塑信心,他告诉孙子:“你的股票总值不是靠表彰可能

男女有自信,爸妈真喜欢

Self-esteem serves as a gauge岸a kind of inner psychologicalmeter岸of
how much children feel valued and accepted by others,including family,
friends and peers, based on research by MarkLeary, a professor of
psychology and neuroscience at DukeUniversity, and others. This
sensitivity to others’ views evolvedbecause of humans’ need for social
acceptance, which in ancienttimes could be critical to survival, Dr.
Leary says. As early asage 8, children’s self-esteem tends to rise and
fall in response tofeedback about whether peers see them as likable or
attractive,says a 2010 study in Child Development。

家住London市的卡拉
Green(CaraGreene)有七个一周岁到十岁大的男女。那位老妈一贯很稳重,不去特意让子女的本人膨胀,因为Green顾虑那样做会让儿女心底滋长出他在这多少个“长久以来都被告知他们很棒何况她们能做别的事”的青少年身上所看到的这种骄傲的感到。可是,她也希望本身的儿女们能够具有完善的自个儿认识。

No parent wants to see her child suffer from low self-esteem, but
unfortunately we can’t always get what we want. Too many children
today are lacking in the confidence department, and as parents, it’s
our job to fill that void. So whether you have a son or daughter,
toddler or teen, here are some helpful ways to raise your child’s
confidence (and keep it high).

Green的情侣贾森(杰森)是一位明星、同不经常常间也是一个人专职老爸,他计划让投机的儿女领会他的太爷当年教给他的事物:“未有人比你强,但是你也不如其他任何人强。”Jason在她拾虚岁的外孙子怀阿特(怀阿特t)的足球队里当教练,当怀阿特在足球队教练中开首不认真对照时,Jason说,他清楚怀阿特“这一刻是有一些飘飘然的优越感了”。他即时将Wyat换下场去坐冷板凳。

A wave of recent research has pointed to the risks ofoverpraising a
child. But for parents, drawing the line between toolittle praise and
too much has become a high-pressure balancingact.

图片 1

最近,心思学家们对于小编认识的领会特别深入、也进一步紧凑,这大概可以让老大家在走那条高空绳索的时候轻巧一些。当中的一部分定论如下:孩子的本人认可程度相当低实际上有相当的大概率是一件善事,至少短时代的低承认度会是那般。而对儿女的赞赏若无虚构到家庭以外的碰着因素,则有望会对子女伤害。孩子若能对此外人对团结的见识有八个有血有肉──而非夸大──的知晓,则往往能够更加好地适应外部蒙受。

‘Children absolutely need to feel valued, accepted and loved,and this
will lead to high self-esteem,’ Dr. Leary says. But it canalso be good
for kids to feel bad about themselves temporarily, ifthey behave in
selfish, mean or hurtful ways that might damagetheir ability to sustain
relationships or hold a job in the future,he says. The best path is a
middle road, helping children develop apositive but realistic view of
themselves in relation toothers。

图片 2

过去,大多老人和先生相信,较高的自家承认度将会推动幸福感与中标,而若要孩子实现中度的自个儿分明,做法很轻易,只要给予他们大批量的奖赏和歌唱就能够。然则斟酌者们后来开采,自笔者肯定并不会带来那一个结果。高度的自身断定在早晚水准上是地道表现的结果,实际不是原因。让儿女的本人过于膨胀反而有相当的大希望起到相反的机能,使她们在将来境遇挫败时感觉特别不佳。

Ms. Greene’s husband Jason, an actor and at-home dad, tries toteach
their children what his grandfather taught him: ‘Nobody isbetter than
you, but you’re not better than anybody else.’ When his8-year-old son
Wyatt started goofing around at practice for hissoccer team, which Mr.
Greene coaches, he knew Wyatt was ‘having amoment of feeling superior,’
Mr. Greene says. He benched Wyattimmediately。

图片 3

Now, psychologists are creating a deeper and more nuancedunderstanding
of self-esteem, which could make it easier forparents to walk that line.
Some of the conclusions: It can actuallybe good for kids to have low
self-esteem, at least temporarily. Andpraise can harm if it disregards
the world outside the home.Children who have a realistic岸not
inflated岸understanding of howthey are seen by others tend to be more
resilient。

In the past, many parents and educators believed that highself-esteem
predicted happiness and success, and that it could beinstilled in kids
simply by doling out trophies and praise. Butresearchers have since
found self-esteem doesn’t predict theseoutcomes. High self-esteem is
partly the result of goodperformance, rather than the cause. Inflating
kids’ self-esteem toomuch can backfire, making them feel worse later on
when they hitsetbacks。

Whether it’s learning to ride a bike or acing an important test,
commend your child for a job well done. When he sees how proud you are
of him, he will start to take pride in himself.

事后,他对外甥解释道:“作者了解要不停地守本分、排队、专注听讲,那很难。不过,在规矩前边,你未有特权,你也比不上队里的别的任什么人更珍视。”他的孙子点了点头,然后“大家拥抱了瞬间”。自从本次今后,怀阿特再也从不在演练中有过不佳展现。

这两天一些切磋提议了过度赞扬孩子或然带来的各类危害。但是,对于老人[微博]来讲,要在夸赞得太少与太多之间划清界限,那难度不亚于顶着巨大的下压力走强空绳索。

AVOID COMPARISONS

‘We wouldn’t be doing our children any favors by overinflatingtheir
egos. At the same time, I want them to have the confidence totackle any
challenge that is placed before them,’ says Ms. Greene,of New York
City。

Later, he explained: ‘I know it’s hard to go by the rules allthe time,
to stand in line and pay attention. But you’re not betterthan the rules,
and you’re not more important than anyone else onthe team.’ His son
nodded, and ‘we had a hug,’ Mr. Greene says.Wyatt hasn’t misbehaved at
practice since。

图片 4

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